How to become the superwoman of your chosen profession.

Photo courtesy of Jyn Meyer, http://jynmeyer.com/

Someone recently asked me how you can become the superwoman of your chosen profession?

As a superwoman in the making, or so I would like to think when I'm out there consulting in the business world, I thought I'd let them share in my powerful career strategies, as they seemed to be working for me.

Career Strategy 1: You are what you believe.
If you want to succeed, make sure what you believe matches the destination you are seeking. In my experience, a woman has to work harder and smarter to make the same inroads as a man in the work place, so get over it and start focusing your attention on the prize! Like an actor on a stage, you have to own your space. If you believe the character you are portraying, others will too. The more passionate you are about your goals, the more others will become the bridge to you reaching them.

Career Strategy 2: Plan ahead.
Like anything in life, if you plan, you are more likely to reach your target.

Dr Stephen Covey, in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective
People states, "Begin with the end in Mind"

Kind of like getting into your car and taking out the road map and working out the quickest route to your destination. It may mean putting the idea of children on hold or going back to college to learn new skills. If you take the time to plan, at least you will be able to see how achievable your dream is. Then once you have your plan in place, it is time to get started and to keep track of how you are going, through regular reviews.

Career Strategy 3: Place yourself in the company of those who will help you succeed.
It was no accident that Richard Branson, from the Virgin empire, became rich. He became the master of networking and association. If you read his biography, he proves how effective name-dropping and association with successful people can be in promoting yourself and your products. If you aspire to be a leader, then get amongst the leaders. If you aspire to be a brilliant scientist, then give yourself the best opportunity by aligning yourself with people who are on the cutting edge. Join a professional group or association. Then use all your charm to let people know you are in the market and adopt a 50:50 giving mentality.

Career Strategy 4: Work smarter not harder
Gifted with so much when it comes to being resourceful and creative, women are able to bring all of their mothering instincts to the workplace. Adopt professional standards when it comes to customer service, but temper them with your woman's intuition. If there are changes that you see could or should be made to streamline processes, let the appropriate person know and offer to implement them. A positive contributor to a team is always in hot demand.

Career Strategy 5: Watch Your Words
An unwise woman squanders opportunities by saying inappropriate things. If you can bridle your tongue, when you do speak your words will have weight.

Career Strategy 6: Always Follow Through
Deliver on what you promise. If you earn a reputation for getting it done, chances are your door will be the first knocked on when an opportunity arises.

Career Strategy 7: Keep Your Life in Balance
You may want to be a superwoman but you are not super human! Unlike a Barbie doll that has a lifetime guarantee, women can wear out, so it is important to establish some boundaries in your life and decide what they are going to be ahead of things. This is doubly important if you are working and raising a family as children can really suffer when their mothers are more devoted to their careers. As a child who grew up with a full-time working mother, I can honestly say that time was the one thing she was never able to give me and it has marked my life.

I firmly believe you can accomplish things you never thought were possible once
you put your mind to it.

There may be some obstacles to overcome along the way, unfortunately, that is life. How boring would it be if you never had to overcome anything? You'd never grow because it is adversity that makes us strong. Think about an exercise program. What builds your muscles? Resistance. Life builds are resilience and our muscles if we don't give up because we think it's all too hard. Dust off your superwoman outfit, because if you implement my suggestions, you are now dressed and ready for action.

Is there such a thing as a perfect woman?

What does the perfect woman look like?

The media will give you one set of rules, your partner or parents another, but what does the perfect woman look like? What are her values, her morals, her goals, her achievements?

I think that you don't have to be a rocket scientist to realise that none of us match up to the messages we are receiving from voices outside of our own heads, so why try?

Why not do something radical and be your own woman and own the woman you are, completely?

What does that mean? It means doing a little exploring to see what is within you, to better understand yourself. It means doing a little exploring to see what the opportunities there are that surround you every day. And finally, it means taking full responsibility for every area of your life. I mean, do you really have to look like Marilyn Monroe, have the political clout of Hillary Clinton and the empire building nous of Oprah to be acceptable?

In Proverbs 31 of the bible, there is a section that praises the virtuous woman and extols her virtues. It's worth a read, as it is a challenge on all fronts. Firstly, let me say it ends by saying, "Many women have done wonderful things, but you've outclassed them all!" (Message Bible) This kind of lets us all of the hook a bit because it is saying that this woman was not your average woman. She excelled at everything! Are we required to marry up to her standards on all fronts? I don't believe so.

But what it does give us is some key areas that we can exam against our own lives and see if these are areas we would like to improve or develop. Such things as, focus on family, exercise, wealth building activities, diet, being productive with our hands, the level of idleness or level of activity in our lives, our ability to build trust in our relationships, our generosity, our servanthood, our standing in the community, our level of organisation, our attitude to life and work, our homemaking and other skills, our words, and finally, our ability to supervise and influence others.

I believe that every woman has the potential to be perfect - perfectly her. If you are being perfectly you, owning all that you are, making the most of all that you can be, that is all that life can really ask of you.

You may not realise it, but you can be quite influential without even knowing it. To give you an example, when I was in Year 11 at school, the uniform was pants (blue or black slacks, no jeans) and a white shirt. Previously, many years prior, there used to be a box pleat tunic, with a blazer, tights, white shirt and tie. I decided that unlike everyone else, who was happy being comfortable and practical, I was going to revert to the old school uniform, which was really impractical and not really all that comfortable. Don't ask me why, I just thought it would be fun. So I went to the local Op Shop and purchased all the bits I needed. I took a deep breath on Monday morning, donned the uniform and went to school. Some people looked at me with their mouths opened and eyebrows raised, but within a month the majority of the upper school was wearing the old box pleat uniforms. This showed me that it doesn't take much to be a person of influence if you are willing to stand out in a crowd!

I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on the question, "Is there such a thing as a perfect woman?" And ask yourself the question, "If not, what's holding me back from enjoying who I am?" and "What could I be doing to make my mark in the world, if I had the confidence to accept all of me?"

Post your thoughts.

A girlfriend is a lifeline!

Unlike a male, we do not do well at toughing it out alone, and we are not afraid to lose face if we share our feelings, our failures and our fears. We need our girlfriends to listen, to empathise and most of all, to indulge with us in our comfort activities, like going out for a coffee, shopping, or enjoying some major pampering! As much as we value our male relationships, we acknowledge that girlfriends bring something special into our lives and we give our men permission not to be everything that we require to be happy. But please, don't forbid us to have girlfriend relationships. They are a lifeline!

Think about it…

A girlfriend will listen while you just let it all hang out. She is not afraid if you cry on her. In fact, she expects you to at least once a month and doesn’t hold it against you or mock you for it!

A girlfriend is not going to try to fix you. Well she might, but first she will make all those lovely noises you like to hear, such as “mm…I know…yes…I can see that.”

A girlfriend understands that you can multi-task and it is not a sign of not caring. For example, she may be in the middle of a heart-wrenching tale when your two year old demands milk and you turn your back, go to the fridge, pour the milk, then ask the child if they want anything else. She knows that you are listening, despite your inattentiveness.

A girlfriend will drop everything if it is within her power to help you when you are in need, but there are limits to how far a male will sacrifice for a girlfriend. I mean, try getting a male friend to change your child’s sloppy diarrhoea nappy while you just take a wee kip because you are exhausted! Even the best dad baulks at that one.

Moreover, would a male friend clean your house just because you were stressed? Maybe, but would he rub your feet when you are 35 weeks pregnant and can no longer see your toes? Perhaps, however, he probably would opt out of shaving or waxing your legs and 'hairy shorts' for you, just so that you are not embarrassed when you go to hospital. These are the selfless acts of a loving girlfriend, who would go out of her way to lend support if she were able.

Men have so many positive things to bring to the table in a relationship but there is always going to be room for a girlfriend and these relationships, if taken for granted or dismissed, will be well missed.

A wise woman once gave her daughter this advice as she was getting married:

“Make sure that you don’t neglect your girlfriend relationships because in life there are no guarantees. You never know when you are going to need a girlfriend.”

Whether you are 15 or 95, married or single, a girlfriend is a lifeline you are bound to need at some time.

Tell me, if girlfriends are so important, what are you doing to cultivate your girlfriend relationships?

Is your personality your contraceptive?

I once heard a male say to a girlfriend of mine who was very beautiful but also very catty:

“You don't have to worry, your personality is your contraceptive!”

We all laughed because we were young and stupid. Reflecting back, my thoughts are drawn to the struggle this young woman had. She was so attractive on the outside, yet unattractive on the inside. What was her world like? Did she know how unattractive her attitude was? Was it a defense against a world that overwhelmed her with its attention? Would she have been able to change if she wanted to? When I think about her family, I can see no reason why she was the way she was, as they were kind, loving people. Did she daily choose her attitude or did she feel a victim of her circumstances?

This leads me to the question,"Is there such a thing as 'improving your personality'"? Are you simply born the way you are and you journey through life without changing? You know, if you're young and rebellious, you're always going to be rebellious, right? Loud and obnoxious young person, loud and obnoxious adult!

History tells me that yes, we are born with a certain plethora of natural giftings and personality styles, but a lot of who we are is environmentally and experientially learned. There is no reason why someone with a loud voice can’t learn to taper the volume and tone of their voice with practice. If we are capable of learning from our environment and from trial and error, I can see no reason why you can’t improve yourself, no matter how great your deficiencies. The key here is that life has to give us feedback about our behaviour for us to desire change.

I know for me that I improved myself from the moment that I learned to reflect upon the feedback that the world was giving me about myself. I deliberately said reflect here, because not all feedback is truth. As you invite feedback from people you trust, and you sift this feedback, you start to see your blind spots. The day that you own these lumps in your life, is the day that you start to desire to change them.

I vividly remember turning 35 and having a paradigm shift. I had a journal in front of me and I wrote these words…

“I will no longer apologise for being me. I accept myself, worts, bumps, wrinkles, failures, strengths and disappointments. I will never apologise again for existing, only for hurting others by bad decisions.”

These words written down were somehow very liberating. I’d spent all of my life saying sorry to everyone. I would miss the ball at tennis and I’d say sorry to the person who had just scored a point. Why? They weren’t sorry that I missed the ball! If I showed any inadequacy at all I would apologise. I would turn myself inside out to win people's approval, always putting my needs and those I cared most about second to the person I wanted to impress. Somewhere along the way I realised that others weren’t doing that. That others would be themselves, regardless of how their actions were interpreted and got away with it. This is the person that I wanted to be; the confident person that could make a decision and take responsibility for it.

I have met scores of women in my lifetime who are living in the shadow of their partners, their children, their siblings, their parents, apologising for their existence. My message for you girls is that you have value. It’s time to own yourself, worts and all, and to stop apologising for being. You have the right to try, even if you don’t always do things perfectly.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the subject, so please comment.

Feel free to join my network, Women Can International, at www.womencaninternational.ning.com or visit my website, www.upfrontenterprises.com.

What is it about breasts?

Photo by Jyn Meyer, http://www.jynmeyer.com

You might expect breasts to be the focus of a men’s blog, but why should men have all the fun?

The truth is, if you're a girl they are the bane of your existence because they are either too big or too small or just plain too something! So let's explore the upper regions a little together...

What is it with breasts?

When you are young, they are small and pert and you wished they were overflowing your bras so everyone would sit up and take notice. Then when you are older, you wished you could get them to fit into your bras, especially when you are breastfeeding. Finally, when you have been through a change of life, ensuring they have no practical function anymore and they are sagging to your waist, you daily wish them away. Yet, if someone were to suggest they come off due to disease, you would be devastated.

And what is it about nipples?

You’d think that God could have designed them a bit better, as He knew that you’d have to use them to feed babies? Why does it hurt so much and why are they faulty? You know, leakage! It never ceases to amaze me how one cry from your baby and whamo, the water works are flowing! It's a neat trick and if some plumber could work out the system, they'd really be in business. Voice activated taps! Hey and while we're on the subject of nipples, why do they get so sore when they rub against stuff? If you've ever had mastitis or a cracked nipple you'll know what I mean when I say sore. They say cabbage leaves work, but boy do they look funny!

On the subject of soreness, what is it with sore breasts?

Isn’t it enough that you have to put up with the inconvenience of menstrual cycles without the pain of hormonally charged breasts? One bump and you know you’re alive. How many of us have been to the doctor to get a lump checked only to find out it was just hormonal tenderness? There you are, breasts exposed, so the doctor can have a free peep show (oh, not free, that’s right, you’re paying!) and for no real outcome! Hundreds of dollars later after they’ve sent you for an ultrasound to be on the safe side, you are the one out of pocket and worrying about nothing.

And what is it with the names for breasts?

Whoever came up with the phrase knockers? Obviously it’s a visual image. After all, ‘knockers’ accurately describes the uninhibited movement of breasts unfettered. Truly, how many ladies can run unaided, without experiencing a certain level of discomfort from the bounce factor? And, what about the name boobs? Where the hell did they come up with that name? Can’t think of a single reason why boobs should be chosen as a name for breasts? Help me out here. Then there are tits. These are the ones contained by the “over shoulder boulder holder”. Then there are apples, balcony, balloons, bangers, bazongas, basooms, been bags, big brown eyes, bon-bons, boobies, bottles, bullets, bumpers…and that’s just the A’s and B’s from an online names directory!

I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty attached to my breasts (pardon the pun). I think if I had to lose them, not by choice, I’d struggle with it. You only have to meet someone who has breast cancer to rethink your moaning about your breasts.

Then there are the uses for breasts…

Table top, pillow, resting place, hiding place, prop, road block (ever tried asking a woman with large breasts to turn sideways so you can pass her…it can make no difference, believe me!), bed for the weary toddler or baby and the most comfortable, secure place to rest your head. There’s no place to rest quite like on the ample breast of a mother figure.

And hey, what is it with men and breasts?

Doesn't matter how good looking you are, if your knockers are on show you are going to get some attention! No wonder so many women are spending a fortune for the privilege of obtaining the oh so fake looking breasts that don't need a push up bra. A friend and I were laughing about breasts and she suggested that it would be good if they came with a switch where you could inflate them to feed babies, then deflate them for the rest of your life. I laughingly commented, if they come with an inflatable switch, men would be in paradise, having found a new toy! Uh oh, now some of you will be blushing! Time to move on...

Big or small, firm or saggy, with inverted or regular nipples, whatever your breasts are like, they are yours and I say, wear them with pride!

Share your breast stories. Leave a comment.