You might expect breasts to be the focus of a men’s blog, but why should men have all the fun?
The truth is, if you're a girl they are the bane of your existence because they are either too big or too small or just plain too something! So let's explore the upper regions a little together...
What is it with breasts?
When you are young, they are small and pert and you wished they were overflowing your bras so everyone would sit up and take notice. Then when you are older, you wished you could get them to fit into your bras, especially when you are breastfeeding. Finally, when you have been through a change of life, ensuring they have no practical function anymore and they are sagging to your waist, you daily wish them away. Yet, if someone were to suggest they come off due to disease, you would be devastated.
And what is it about nipples?
You’d think that God could have designed them a bit better, as He knew that you’d have to use them to feed babies? Why does it hurt so much and why are they faulty? You know, leakage! It never ceases to amaze me how one cry from your baby and whamo, the water works are flowing! It's a neat trick and if some plumber could work out the system, they'd really be in business. Voice activated taps! Hey and while we're on the subject of nipples, why do they get so sore when they rub against stuff? If you've ever had mastitis or a cracked nipple you'll know what I mean when I say sore. They say cabbage leaves work, but boy do they look funny!
On the subject of soreness, what is it with sore breasts?
Isn’t it enough that you have to put up with the inconvenience of menstrual cycles without the pain of hormonally charged breasts? One bump and you know you’re alive. How many of us have been to the doctor to get a lump checked only to find out it was just hormonal tenderness? There you are, breasts exposed, so the doctor can have a free peep show (oh, not free, that’s right, you’re paying!) and for no real outcome! Hundreds of dollars later after they’ve sent you for an ultrasound to be on the safe side, you are the one out of pocket and worrying about nothing.
And what is it with the names for breasts?
Whoever came up with the phrase knockers? Obviously it’s a visual image. After all, ‘knockers’ accurately describes the uninhibited movement of breasts unfettered. Truly, how many ladies can run unaided, without experiencing a certain level of discomfort from the bounce factor? And, what about the name boobs? Where the hell did they come up with that name? Can’t think of a single reason why boobs should be chosen as a name for breasts? Help me out here. Then there are tits. These are the ones contained by the “over shoulder boulder holder”. Then there are apples, balcony, balloons, bangers, bazongas, basooms, been bags, big brown eyes, bon-bons, boobies, bottles, bullets, bumpers…and that’s just the A’s and B’s from an online names directory!
I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty attached to my breasts (pardon the pun). I think if I had to lose them, not by choice, I’d struggle with it. You only have to meet someone who has breast cancer to rethink your moaning about your breasts.
Then there are the uses for breasts…
Table top, pillow, resting place, hiding place, prop, road block (ever tried asking a woman with large breasts to turn sideways so you can pass her…it can make no difference, believe me!), bed for the weary toddler or baby and the most comfortable, secure place to rest your head. There’s no place to rest quite like on the ample breast of a mother figure.
And hey, what is it with men and breasts?
Doesn't matter how good looking you are, if your knockers are on show you are going to get some attention! No wonder so many women are spending a fortune for the privilege of obtaining the oh so fake looking breasts that don't need a push up bra. A friend and I were laughing about breasts and she suggested that it would be good if they came with a switch where you could inflate them to feed babies, then deflate them for the rest of your life. I laughingly commented, if they come with an inflatable switch, men would be in paradise, having found a new toy! Uh oh, now some of you will be blushing! Time to move on...
Big or small, firm or saggy, with inverted or regular nipples, whatever your breasts are like, they are yours and I say, wear them with pride!
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