Ever been caught with your pants down?

On my ning.com social network, All Things Women, I am running a bit of a competition, culminating on April Fools Day, 1 April, 2008.

The purpose of the competition is to invite women to share their funniest, most embarrassing moment for the purpose of having a good laugh at the funny things that happen to us in life.

So, to kick off the proceedings, I shared some of my girlfriends most embarrassing moments.

Girlfriend 1
Firstly, there was my girlfriend who works in the Perth CBD. As anyone from Perth will tell you, the main street of the CBD is a very windy place. This friend was standing at an automatic teller and had just keyed in all her details and was waiting for the cash to come out. Being in the city, she was also very aware of security risks associated with getting a large sum of cash out of a machine, so was feeling a little edgy. She was wearing a gorgeous cream pleated skirt and looked quite the picture of the demure and very professional public servant that she was.

She could hear the machine doing it's business, you know the sounds it makes as it is counting out the cash. And at that precise moment, a huge gust of wind came down the wind tunnel created by the skyscrapers each side and her lovely pleated skirt ended up around her ears.

It wouldn't have been so bad if at the same precise moment the money hadn't started to pour out of the machine.

In a dilemma, as to whether to grab her skirt down or grab the cash before someone else did, her hesitation gave the very many cars cued up at the lights and the passing office staff quite an eye sore, as she had decided this day to wear her nicest, laciest cream j-string!

Although not caught with her pants down, she was definitely caught out!

Girlfriend 2
Another girlfriend related to me how in her role as Deputy Principal of a Christian school she regularly taught the students the fire drill for the premises. Her instructions to them were, if you hear the alarm go you are to drop everything and immediately leave the room and go to the assembly point.

Well this particular day she had been very busy and was expected to attend a Year 11 graduation ceremony at the school. She'd been helping with the decorations and opted to have her shower at the school rather than duck home to get ready.

Well prepared with towel and shampoo, she entered the change rooms, quickly stripped and stepped beneath the piping hot jets of the school showers.

She was so enjoying the feel of the warm water on her skin that she stayed in that shower for a good 20 minutes. It was towards the end of that time that the fire alarm went off. You can imagine some of the thoughts that came rushing through her mind. Was the fire close enough to kill her? Should she grab a towel and run for her life or risk dying by putting on her clothes over her very damp body. Deciding that the latter was probably the best case scenario as she would rather die than be found naked in the school grounds by some brave fireman, she opted for the latter.

Meanwhile, a short distance away her husband was approaching the school with a bus load of Year 11 students and was in the turning lane at the lights a short distance from the school. He saw the fire brigade go rushing around them and turn into the school. He was immediately concerned and wondering what was happening. As soon as he was able he turned and rushed down to the school to find out what was going on. When he arrived he found his wife, in her soggy clothing, looking very sheepish and talking to the fireman. As he asked what had happened she relayed to him how she had taken an excessively long shower and tripped off the smoke alarm. The group of Year 11 students behind roared with laughter, as she was truly a sight! Suffice to say, she was the butt of many jokes for some time to come at the school.

My Story
My most embarrassing moment was when I literally caught my uncle with his pants down! He was staying at our home and had gone to the toilet but not closed the door fully. Being my usually full-on self I came rushing through the house and burst through the door. In my energetic thrust, he was knocked off balance and his wallet went tumbling into the toilet that was full of urine! Suffice to say, I was not the most favourite niece for quite a while!

Do you have a most embarrassing tale to that you would like to share with the world? Why not enter our competition at http://allthingswomen.ning.com. There will be a great prize. All you need to do is do an audio track of you telling the tale, as sometimes stories are so much funnier when told by the person who experienced them. Why not give it a go and have a good laugh? Check out some of the other stories there.

Will someone serve me, please?

I can stay silent no longer. I have to comment. I hate autoresponders!

They are the most cold, impersonal and inhuman aspect of modern technology that I have ever come across. The only autoresponder that has any worth in my book, is the one that delivers my password when I unthinkingly forget what it is or change it and can't remember what I changed it to. At least then, the speed of the response is appreciated!

In particular, I hate autoresponders from people who want to let me know they are just too busy to be bothered with me. You know those ones that say, "You're very important to me and I will get back to you just as soon as I can." The problem is that "just as soon as I can" never comes! I have now sent four emails to the same person over a series of weeks and each time, I get the same autoresponder. Did I send the same email, heartlessly and carelessly, making no effort to communicate with that person? No! I poured my heart and soul into each word on each email and I have to say I feel jipped!

I don't know how you feel about autoresponders, but I really think they are for lazy people who are not interested in good old fashioned customer service.

It's kind of like getting your groceries at the supermarket and then putting them through a self-service cashier where you scan, bag and pay for the groceries without a single point of human contact. I don't know why, but that just seems wrong to me. Isn't part of the whole shopping experience sharing your two minute chat with the checkout chick who is stressed out and needs your smile and graciousness to make their day?

Automated responses, in whatever form, have a place but I'd prefer a contact with a real, live human person anytime. I mean, just think about the Banks and Telecommunication Services who have impersonalised the whole telephone experience. You rarely phone up and hear the voice of a real live person these days. Instead you get "push this button", then "push this button". Well the only person's buttons who are being pushed, is mine! Why is their time more important than mine? What would they do if they phoned you and your phone answered answered with, "If you are good at your job dial 9 now?" or 'If you can guarantee you'll be able to answer my call effectively, dial 9 to speak to the customer?" I mean, it's just ridiculous!

I don't know, it just seems to say to me that I am not important. The person with the autoresponder in place seems to want to tell you that their time is more important than your time. Understandably some people are genuinely busy, but why offer an email address if you are not really interested in getting email?

I recognise that there is a valid role for them, after all, if you have millions of customers you can't reach out and personally touch each customer. And perhaps, there is a place for them in relaying information, ie, confirming that you have entered a competition or the details of a purchase. But when you send a personalised email to someone's email address, it just feels rude to get an autoresponder back.

What do you think? Rude or not? Or should I just shut up and put up?

10 Ways to Have More Money

My top 10 suggestions for the savvy woman are:

1. Work more.

Not always possible but you will have more money in your pay packet. That is if the tax man, childcare, mechanic, chain store and other support services don't chew it up first.

2. Have your food and personal needs home delivered or wear blinkers at the shops.

You don't spend as much if you don't see the food or other items and have the "I want" rush. Mind you, Ebay can be pretty addictive, as I found out last year when I had some spare cash to burn lying around.

3. Get rid of your husband and kids.

This one is guaranteed to save you thousands! Not always practical though.

4. Commit to not using as much power.

Turn off the TV, the Aircon, the computer, the stereo, the alarm, the fridge, the washing machine, the vacuum cleaner, the toaster, the juicer, the blender, the dishwasher, the telephones, the dryer, the modem, the lamps, and all those other items that chew power. Wow...didn't realise just how many items we have plugged in and turned on for our convenience. What would you do without all these power gobblers?

5. Recycle old underwear.

When the elastic goes or the bottom starts to wear out, get out the scissors and with a few quick snips you have a modern g-string, ready at your convenience!

6. Wear last year's fashion, or in some cases, the year before's or the year before that's.

Of if you are like me, the clothes that fit and are comfortable...maybe 10-15 years old, but at least they have my body shape moulded into them!

7. Cut up your credit cards.

Now I'm serious about this! After all, they charge you for having it, so if you haven't got one they can't charge you.

8. Pay your bills on time.

How many thousands of dollars do people pay per year in fees for late payments?

9. Cancel all direct debits.

How many thousands of dollars do people pay in fees because their direct debit bounced?

10. This one is my biggest life secret on how to have more money. Give it away.

It seems that money is like a man. If you don't love it, it just wants you and will chase after you!

Obviously, these are not all serious suggestions, however the secrets to having more money is contained within the satire. Did you pick them up? Post a comment and tell all.

The Double X Chromosome Factor

If I ever get to meet God in person, the first thing I am going to ask Him is why women make great girlFRIENDS and men make such inferior boyFRIENDS.

Before you shoot me down, hear me out. I'm not a feminist, gay or a women's libber. In fact, I'm the first to say "Why fight for something you already have?" in relation to equality. But it is a mystery to me why God didn't make this whole male-woman thing easier to understand and work with.

Now I'm not saying all that because I'm separated from my husband. That is simply the outworking of some decision making based on wisdom for my circumstances. But rather, because I look around me and I listen a lot and I hear a lot of women complaining about the lack of FRIENDSHIP in their relationships with their partners and I have to wonder if it isn't the Double X Chromosome Factor at play? Could it be that God placed in that extra part of the chromosome, the friendship data? You know, the listening ear, shoulder to cry on without having to fix you, the 'I'm going to ignore that you are emotional because you are hormonal' part. I can hear my husband gasping in disgust and all those scientists out there sighing at my total lack of evidence, but what if????

I firmly believe that life gives us feedback about our behaviors and it is up to us to listen.

Life has been telling me that men and women are different. Unfortunately, it seems that where men are concerned they are speaking a whole different language which makes the communication necessary for good friendship difficult.

Take for example shopping. When a woman goes to the shops she may have a list, but she is ALWAYS open to a bargain or something that she thinks will add a little something to the pantry or home. She's also open to a long chat with a girlfriend over the trolley top should their paths meet. She is by nature a gatherer. The last thing she wants is a hunter in tow who has never learned how to appreciate the value of shopping...you know...walking through many shops just having a look on the off chance something strikes the eye and excites the "I want" nerve. Nor the value of the girlfriend relationship, where you don't have to have a planned appointment to appreciate a cuppa, cake and chat. My experience of men is that they prefer targeted shopping and that you save all your listening credit up for them. They want to be able to find what they are looking for quickly, to pay for it by self-service, to not have to acknowledge another living soul and to get that thing home as quickly as possible so they can bend your ear about their day or ignore you while they watch their favorite programs or isolate themselves in the shed on secret men's business.

Now if you are lucky...obviously I haven't been yet...your partner will be a freak of nature that has at least an imprint of the missing part of the gene, causing him to be sympathetic, maybe even empathetic, of the behaviours assoicated with the double Y chromosome bonus package. He will respond to your invitations of friendship and lend you his listening ear, shoulder to cry on and be willing to accept your moans without trying to fix you. We can hope for a miracle!

When you think about it, Scientists, I can see a lot of evidence supporting the Double Y Chromosome Factor theory.

In fact, the evidence speaks for itself. Women have more chromosome, therefore they have more personality, emotions, tantrums, hair, hormones, bad days, creative ideas, and opportunities to do things that males cannot and would not ever enjoy.

So men, I say, "Get over it." Women will always want to spend time with their girlFRIENDS because of one simple factor, they have the same extra bits! They will always be able to do more in the same amount of time and with way loads more distractions. They were the improvement on the model, although, perhaps God could give us both an upgrade!

Of course, this all from a woman's perspective!

Ever had an interview go South?

What was your most embarrassing or empowering interview moment?

I was thinking about the whole job search thing, as I was writing my latest post on Job Search Techniques on my other blog, Motivational Magic. I thought, wouldn't it be interesting to hear some ladies' stories about interviews that have 'gone South' on All Things Women. So I sent out some emails to ask my girlfriends if they've ever had an embarrassing interview experience that they would like to share.

My Experience

To kick things off I shared one of mine. I was at an interview for a training position in the Public Service. The Department was finance related, not exactly my highest level of interest being very creative, but an interesting opportunity. I had just completed a knock out interview, where I'd dazzled them with my psycho-babble activities that are designed to get the learner thinking about themselves, taking the pressure of you, the interviewee. I was wrapping things up and had my briefcase on my lap, with my resume, sunglasses, mobile phone, pen, and some other papers that I had been scribbling notes on balancing precariously on top. In my nervousness, I jumped up to shake hands and knocked the glass of water over on the table. Whilst leaning forward to grab the errant cup, I promptly dropped my load on the floor. As I bent to pick everything up, I almost collided with the panel chairperson and was mortified. Suffice to say, I had sufficiently planted myself in their memory as perhaps the highest risk candidate to date! Funny enough, I was offered the position!

My Girlfriend Kris's Experience

My girlfriend, Kris, responded to the call and told me about her misadventure when she spun a line to her employer about a doctor's appointment as she didn't want them to know she was looking for another job. Well, her appointment was at the local law courts and she managed to grab a 30 minute car space, right out the front, which she saw as a stroke of luck, as she would be able to duck in, do the interview, then shoot off back to work. There was just one problem. During her interview there was a bomb threat and everyone had to down their possessions and leave the building immediately. Her bag, keys etc were locked in the building. She was made to stand in a group, outside the law courts for 2 hours! Meanwhile, the local camera crews were there in force and what were they filming, her personalized number plates on her lovely car parked right outside the building. She managed to evade the cameras, but her car was a dead give away! Imagine having to explain that one to your boss!

My Girlfriend Kelly's Experience

Then there was my other girlfriend from New York who was going to an interview at a very upmarket business in downtown N.Y. Firstly, my friend is from "The Projects", so opulence and her are new acquaintances. She looked great - got herself looking gorgeous for the interview - well that was when she left home and before she road the train in the summer heat. Suffice to say, her deodorant was working overtime but she made it to the venue with time to spare!

Arriving at the building she couldn't prevent jaw from gaping, as she walked into the marble, fine wood and gold trimmed foyer. She was whisked up to the floor of her appointment and once again, couldn't help but be awestruck by the opulence. She had an interview with the current occupant of the position she was applying for and they hit it off famously. Then she was ushered into a board room to meet her potential employer, a Director of the business, and the view from the room was breathtaking. She was hard pressed to concentrate on the interview because of the view.

Her interviewer was a bit dry but bearable and gave her a task to complete. She had to recreate a presentation and was ushered to a computer. Well she whizzed through the presentation but found she was stuck on one element. After battling with it for 10 minutes, the lady who'd initially interviewed her came over and asked how she was going. She confessed she'd never done that one particular element, but was reassured that it would not be a problem. To cut a long story short, after sweaty palms and feeling like she'd failed her high school exam, she was shortlisted with another woman. She didn't get the job, but the knowledge that she got into the top two in such a high profile establishment shot her confidence through the roof.

My Girlfriend Pat's Experience

Another girlfriend shared this tale of woe, as an interviewer and not an interviewee. She said she was at the end of a three day process, where she was one of two women on a three person panel. The male union rep panel member was drawing the last of 11 interviews to a close, with the obligatory "do you have any questions that you would like to ask the panel or comments you would like to make regarding the interview process?"

The male interviewee promptly asked my girlfriend and the other female panel member to assess how they were sitting, the height of the coffee table in front of them and the height of the chairs that they were sitting on. Confused they assessed the situation but were unsure of the meaning of the question, so he filled them in.

All through his interview my girlfriend and the other female panel member, had been crossing and uncrossing their legs, as they tended to do on a regular basis. The height of his chair allowed him a birds eye view straight up their skirts. With the crossing and uncrossing he had been able to ascertain that my girlfriend was wearing pink knickers and the other lady, black. Can you even start to imagine the color they went and the sinking feeling they experienced when they realised they had been sitting in this same position for all 11 interviews. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall of that interview room. How hilarious!

Fittingly they decided that anyone who could perform at interview with that level of distraction and still keep his head and have the guts to tell them at the end, was going to be an asset to any company. So his bravado got him the job. It was a bit difficult when he started work in my girlfriend's area to make eye contact for the first couple of days, but eventually they got over the embarrassment factor. His employment turned out to be the best decision that they had ever made with him taking over her position as Assistant Director when she resigned.

What about you?

Do you have an embarrassing or empowering interview moments to share? Please comment.