Burnt offerings anyone?

Have you ever put your heart and soul into a culinary disaster?

I have, too many times to be funny. I am actually a reasonable cook, with lots of burps and patting of rounded tummies after I prepare a feast for family and friends, but I have actually made some huge blunders in the kitchen.

Take for example meals I have prepared in desperation. You know the kind, when the cupboard is nearly bare and all you have left is a tin of corn, some tuna, pasta and asparagus soup. Well, it was worth a try! The combination may have been luxurious to a person who is dying from malnutrition, but to my family of six all I got was the look that says, "You've got to be joking mum!"

Then there are my burnt offerings. Ever walked away from the stove and forgotten about something? Well, there have also been too many of these to remember. My worst habit is putting something on, then thinking of 100 other things I would rather be doing and I forget about it. I think garlic bread would have to be my largest casualty. I've lost count of the number of black bottomed garlic breads I've placed in the basket and brought to the table with an over bright smile and declaration of "The garlic bread's ready!", only to be met by my eagle-eyed child's comment of, "Mum, what is the black bits?" to which I simply respond, "Just eat it. It tastes great!" How many of us have said that about our disasters, silently hoping someone will humour our hard efforts and eat it just to please us?

I'll never forget burning the potatoes when I was pregnant with my third child. I'll say no more about being pregnant because we all know this is prime time for burnt offerings as our brains go to mush! Anyway, this particular night I was cooking potatoes and we were particularly poor as I recall. Well, I burnt the potatoes. Not severely, just enough for them to have that burnt offering smell. Just when I needed his support, my husband smelt the smokey flavour that I'd tried to disguise with lots of butter, milk, salt and pepper. In an instant I knew that I had lost the battle, as he turned to me and said, "I'm not hungry" and quickly walked off. I turned to the two little faces looking up at me and quickly they followed suit. If Daddy could boycott the burnt offerings, then so could they!

My worst burnt offering was when I made a pot of chicken soup for visitors. There was my girlfriend and I and our eleven children. I was warming the soup and forgot about it. Chicken does not burn well, let me tell you. It was stuck to the bottom of the pot and the flavour was particularly bad! But you know, my girlfriend, myself and her children sat down and ate our soup. My children took one look and decided they would rather be anywhere on earth than sitting at that table to eat my soup. Suffice to say, it was a long time before I could get them to eat chicken soup again!

Well, I have had more successes in the kitchen than I have had failures, but you know, I tend to remember the failures more vividly. It's a strange thing about life. We tend to dwell on the negatives and forget the many wonderful things that have happened to us. It bears thinking about.

Leave your comments about your "burnt offerings"!